Hermione Grangers Opinion on love, loneness, and Draco, Harry, Ron,
by The Sterotypical Innocent Girl
Summary: Hermione mulling over memories and things she's overheard (sorry suck at summaries, implications of eating disorders, and binge drinking may be triggering)


_**This is my first written piece on so please be nice. This piece will imply self-destructive behaviors (eating disorders, self-hate, binge drinking) so this may trigger you. I don't want to offend anyone and I am in no way an expert on any of these topics this idea just came into my head. This will be written as a diary entry. Please Read and Review! **_

_**This is in my AU where Hermione's mom is a banker, and she doesn't know her dad. Sorry if Hermione is a bit OC.**_

_Dear Diary,_

_I was lying around in bed with a massive hangover again, it happens every weekend even when I say I wont. When a memory came upon me from last year. __**I was in the girl's lavatory and I had pulled my hair down, flushed the toilet, checked for breath mints, prepared and excuse and was about to exist when Padma Patil and Lavender Brown entered. Out of habit I pulled my legs up onto the toilet seat, and they started talking. I couldn't leave now, or else it would like I was spying, I would have to wait until they leave. I started listing to what they said, "Padma, one of the girls in my sister's dorm tried to lose weight for a guy, apparently she tried to lose a lot of weight for him", "Can you say desperate?" "I know right? She almost changed her hair color for him, but only didn't when she found out he has a girlfriend. C'mon we have to get to Charms. Your hair looks fine" **__Then they left, I was wondering why this memory came to me but it got me thinking. What would I do for a guy? I mean I am in this weird thing with Draco. I don't think it's desperate for a girl to change herself fro a guy. I mean sometimes you gotta chase your happiness. I know I'm supposed to be strong independent woman, but sometimes I really want a guy. Someone to count on and to bring happiness and love consistently into my life; love that's not unrequited. I know it sounds really thirsty but I don't really have many friends besides Harry and Ron. I love them both but, Ron's got an emotional range of a teaspoon and I don't really like him that way, he's kind of like my brother or my bud. Harry's cute, but he's really into Ginny and he's to busy saving to world to deal with the kind of baggage I have, besides like Ron he's kind of like my brother. Harry and Ron are like my brothers, Harry the older, protective one who's not always around but you know he loves you. Ron the immature younger one, who can hurt your feelings without a thought, but try to apologize and always loves you even if he doesn't say it that often.____They can't always be there for me, and I'm used to it. My mom tries her best, but she's always busy at work and can't always be their for me and I don't know my dad. He left us when I was young, I don't have anything and mom doesn't keep and pictures of him in the house, I don't even know his name. I would be perfectly willing to change a lot of things in my life if it meant I'd get the guy I wanted. Losing weight, and changing your appearance for a guy isn't bad, and in my opinion perfectly okay, it's just raising the chances of making your dreams come true. Once, I had a really big crush on a guy, but he liked skinny girls so I lost a lot of weight for him, but he got a girl friend, but I was happy I got back to school skinny. As I was mulling these thoughts over, a memory from recently called for my undivided attention, __**Draco had found me in the library and asked if I would walk with him to potions class, I said okay and we walked to his potions class, but we were early, most of the students where still at lunch. He led us to a small room next door, it was nicely furnished and had a love seat, he motioned for me to sit next to him. So we talked and he put his hand on my thigh, but removed it minutes later. After a while he asked if I wore muggle clothes under my robes, when I said he did he asked me if he could see them. I was wearing a tight green tank top and distressed high-waisted shorts. I was planning on heading to the Room of Requirement and asking for a beach for my after lunch double free when he stopped me. He asked if I could stay like that, until we had to go to class, I said why not? We continued to make small talk, and we some how got into relationships and he asked me if I'd ever gotten French kissed. I said that, my ex from home had tried but I hadn't liked it. "So, no?" I confirmed, and he offered to show me a proper French kiss, and I accepted but I told him that I might not be that good. He kissed me, it was amazing, he said better than I expected. He went to his potions class, and I went to the Room of Requirement, but I asked for something a little different.**__ Sometimes he'll send me a not that says muggle clothes on it, and then we meet at the Room of Requirement and we just hook up. Sometimes I'll lean into his chest and just relax against him, as he feels me up, and everything feels just perfect. It's been happening for a while now, and I don't know what to really make of it. I know all he probably wants is sex, and I doubt he really cares for me, he is the Slytherin Sexy God. He makes me feel, pretty and sexy and wanted for the first time in my life, and sometimes at least I'll have memories if nothing else. I mean no one would understand how long I've been lonely, practically my whole it's just been me and books, than me and magic, and now there's a boy who likes me (or just my body) and I can make memories I'm not going to say no. I guess that's all for today. _

_Hermione Granger. _

_**That's all for now, I might write another one, with other character finding and reading her diary if you want. You can write which character you want in the reviews, please be nice. Please review cause it will make me very happy **___


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